Friday 19 July 2013

Think She's Not Happy?

      "Fine young lady, standing by..."
                          -Johnny Kemp

        Ahhhh, it's Friday night.
        The turn of the key that starts the weekend.

        The night when romance is kindled...

        And, sometimes the night when relationships have a wooden stake driven through their heart.


      Thus, it seems like tonight is the perfect night to, erm, whip this out:

     Boat For Sale.

   In case the link disappears, here's the ad copy:

     "My stupid ex boyfriend is a commitment-phobe, so I guess it's no surprise that he wasn't up to the commitment involved in owning a boat. Like every other good thing in his life, my stupid ex boyfriend walked away from a beautiful sailboat, and left me to pick up the pieces. So I`m selling it. Don`t worry; I`m not a crazy jilted woman. I`ve got the legal right to sell this beauty.
The boat is actually quite wonderful, unlike my stupid ex boyfriend. It's a classic Alberg 22, with a full keel, a furling jib (something the stupid ex boyfriend never fully understood) and a suite of sails, all in pretty good condition. It's also unique in that it's got a black mast, and from the research I've done, it might be one of a kind in that sense. One of a kind--definitely not like my stupid ex boyfriend. It also has some very valuable opening, screened ports, probably worth more than I'm asking for the boat just themselves. I just want this thing out of my hands!
With a little dedication and work, this boat could be turned into something really special, not like my stupid ex boyfriend. No amount of work, dedication or patience could save him. Not even Christ can save him. Luckily for you, he never followed through on his plans for the boat (typical). Otherwise, who knows what kind of disaster he would have left in his wake (also typical). So do me, and yourself a favour, and buy my stupid ex boyfriend's ex-sailboat. Deals like this don't come around every day!
The boat is now in storage outside Almonte.

What you get:
Alberg 22 sailboat, sound hull and deck with amazing woodwork both interior and exterior
Folding cradle
Custom-made skeleton and canvas boat cover for winter
All sails, both hank-on or furling configurations
The satisfaction of knowing that my stupid ex boyfriend has nothing, and you have a beautiful boat."

         I gotta admit, that is maybe the most emotion fueled boat ad I have ever read.  Intrigued, I contacted the author/seller, and got the skinny:

      First, the owner, Alanis (all names changed to protect privacy)
       ((except mine.))
      seems like a very nice person.  She's a sailor, sails an Alberg 22, does some racing... sounds like she'd fit right in around here.

       Somebody else thought she was a nice person too, and thought she'd fit right in...

       Enter boyfriend, Slacker McUnsailor.

       Slacker and Alanis had been friends for a dozen years and decided to attempt getting serious.
       They had some hurdles to overcome.

        Hurdle #1 is obvious to anybody who has ever attempted to pop the Friend Bubble and move into the Love Zone- too much shared history.   Romance requires discovery and shared adventure to grow, that honeymoon period where you are discovering all the ways you are different, and all the shared dreams and passions, diving the path forward to create an "us" out of "me" and "you."

        Hurdle #2- Alanis and Slack were trying to make this work long distance.  Really long distance- about 600 kilometers separated them.

        Hurdle #3- In a quixotic kamikaze  gesture to prove his love and compatibility, Slack bought a boat.
         In the same club as Alanis's boat.

        Just like Alanis's boat.

        Except not as nice.

       Waaaaaaaayyyyy not as nice.

   As Alanis tells the tale, " Plan was to sail it back to his part of the province, or truck it, but it never came to be....He wasn't a sailor as much as a general boater. The sailing, apparently, was something he did for me."
      "The boat my club,.he couldn't afford to move it, so he walked away."

    So, to recap:
   Slacker buys a fixer-upper,
   fails to fix it up,
   bails on the project...

    And leaves his now-ex-girlfriend to deal with the fallout.


    She is a much, much more reserved and composed writer than I would be in the same situation.

    So, if you know anyone looking for a great little full keel project boat in the Ottawa area, fire me a getback, and I'll pass the info onto Alanis.

    *Update:  I just got an email from Alanis- she sold the boat last week to a National Post editor, after the National Post ran an article on her, the ad, and his boat.

In the meantime...
"Talk the Dock!"



  1. Hmmm, yes, LOL! Our seller admitted in the ad that she was bailing on either the boat or the marriage "and I decided on selling the boat, because we've had the marriage longer." Negotiating 101 tip: this is not the way to deal from a position of strength.

  2. Good grief. Is that thing STILL for sail? Didn't we discuss that on Sailnet months ago?

  3. Maybe we should get an update to this story because now Alanis her boat is also for sale on Kijiji.