Tuesday 10 May 2011

Yes, I AM an idiot.

       "I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed..."
                                          - Smash Mouth

       Among the thousands handful of regular readers of the Chronicles, there must  might be some out there wondering, "Hey, this blog is called the Dock Six Chronicles, and the Dock has been open for three weeks already, so how come gung-ho blogger guy hasn't posted about splashing his own boats yet?"

      The answer, quite simply, is that I am an idiot.

     Okay, the weather played a role in this drama- April was largely too miserable and, when not miserable, too unpredictable to get any hull work done.  So, we got no brightwork, no bottom painting, no keel fairing done and without the needed work done below the waterline, the boats stay on the hard.

     But that is not the reason I am an idiot.

     A careful and argumentative reader will object, "Fine, that explains April.  However, this is the second week of May, so what is you excuse now, huh, blogger guy?"

     SWMBO and I both work full time, and work has been busy for both of us as of late (what, you thought I simply lounged in a smoking jacket tapping out witty and erudite blog posts all day?)... and the weather was still crappy.  Too cold and wet for painting or epoxying or varnishing.

     But that is not the reason I am an idiot.

    Aforementioned argumentative reader will further point out, "Hey, it was a beautiful weekend, perfect for all that scrapey-sandy-painty-epoxy stuff.  NOW what is your excuse?"

    First of all, heartless bas argumentative reader, Sunday was Mother's Day.  Believe it or not, I have a mother, and she is willing to claim me as her spawn.

   So there.

    Argumentative reader now crosses arms and smirks.  "What about Satur..."


     Let me tell you about last week, and my idiocy will become apparent.

     Monday- too rainy, too cold, too crappy to do any hullwork.  I started building companionway doors instead.

     Tuesday- weather report is a copy of Monday. After driving around all day on business, I come home, grab a bite to eat before heading out again to see a client. As I am munching a handful of Doritos, my office calls- my evening appointment has cancelled. Great!I can at least get down to the boats and get some projects installed, an maybe take the generator down because the weather is supposed to get better and... Rubbing my hands with glee,  I toss the boat keys into the glovebox and load stuff into the back of the Jeep and ...
     The Jeep decides not to start.
    SWMBO comes home, I take the Smart car to buy a battery for the jeep.  I install the battery.  Jeep still does not start.
    I open a beer.
    On the bright side, tomorrow, Wednesday, we get a new TV and phone and internet provider with all sorts of added-connectivity goodness and superfastivity, or something.  Yay, us.

   Wednesday- weather is slightly better.  I have Jeep towed to garage.  I get the verdict- a broken plastic pin on the backside of  the ignition switch.  In Chrysler's infinite parts wisdom, one cannot purchase the part to replace the broken part.  Nay, nay, one must purchase an "assembly," which means a whole new steering column.
     Not covered under warranty.
     Cost?  The equivalent of two 85 watt solar panels -  $690.
     Plus tax.
     Plus labour.
     The good news is that the shop can source a used column for $265.  Might have it by tomorrow.  Might be Friday. Great!
     Well, not great, but at least not so un-great.

    Meanwhile, back at stately Jones manor, the fantastic new cable and internet and telephone magic is decidedly, in a word, pooched.   The tech has the wrong widgets and gizmos in his ju-ju bag, apparently, so he needs to return later with different chicken bones and entrails, or something.  In the meantime, our existing provider, who will take months before applying a newer cheaper "bundle" or reversing erroneous roaming charges has,  either through pique at our audacious decision to leave their former monopoly, or simple accidental efficiently, cut our cords.
   We now have no phone.
    No internet.
    No television.
    On top of No Jeep.
     Stately Jones manor is now freakin' Gilligan's Island.

     I open a beer.

     Thursday- Beautiful day! SWMBO and I are both working.  She takes the car, I am left to find a way to work from home without connectivity.  I walk down to the local coffee shop, get caught up on bidness, get an update on the Jeep (not today, probably Friday) and the TV/telephone/internet trinity (not today, probably Friday), and I return home to continue making companionway doors.  I figure, when SWMBO gets home, we can load our galley projects in the Smart car and at least get those installed on the boat.
   Wait.  Remember where the boat keys are?
    Yeah, I didn't either.
   In the glovebox.  In the jeep.  At the garage.
   I am an idiot.
   SWMBO gets home at 5:40.  The garage closes at 5:00. The  Jeep is locked up.  In the garage. Crap.
   I open a beer.

     Friday-  I have a day-long meeting out of town, so we leave early, before the garage opens.  I drop SWMBO off at work and continue on to London.  I pick SWMBO up on my way home, get home at 5:40.  Because we are not home, still no comms.
     Still no Jeep.
     Still no boat keys.
     No problem.  I can at least pick up the keys tomorrow when the garage opens.
     I open a beer.

     Saturday-  According to the sign on their door, which I had not thought to read before, the garage is not open on Saturday.
     I am an idiot.
     I open a beer.

     Yesterday, we finally get the Jeep back, the boat keys back, our shiny new modem and cable and telephone, so I get on my now-functioning phone and call the yard to book in our splash... and there are no openings until next week, because this week is a short work week, booked solid.
     Short work week?
    Oh yeah-  Friday the 13th.
    I am an idiot.
   The whole town basically shuts down.  When a town of 5000 gets invaded by 20 000+ motorcycles and tens of thousands of rubberneckers, it's apparently a little tough to get anything done, except...
     open a beer.
     So I did.
   Next week.
  We'll be in the water next week.
   I promise.



  1. Things gotta look up...after May 13th. Keep plugging away Brian. I only just crawled into the Monty yesterday...to get a big patio umbrella we stored in there last fall. All the teak bits are still down on the freezer lid, all refinished. Was a really nice weekend, for hauling and spreading rock, mulch, dirt, shit. Bill

  2. I'm sure that your next post will be about how you changed your boat lock from keyed, to a combination lock - no keys required. ;)

  3. Dan N Jaye, I thought about that. It would require a new latch as well. And, although that will make getting locked out of the cabin more difficult (but not impossible- I AM an idiot, after all,) it would not preclude me from forgetting the igntion key and the cockpit locker keys.
    Instead, I had three new sets of keys made. Now there is a floatie with complete keys in each vehicle, as well as a spare set which will be secreted somewhere on the boat.

    Bill, thanks for the perspective. Yeah, it was a good weekend for dirt stuff- stately Jones manor looks a little more stately.

  4. no worrys the fishing is so so theres no bikini s to look at and the bugs on the dock tryed to fly off with george ....

    all and all no loss of time

  5. Just in case things don't work out next week you better get another case of beer